When I found out that I was going to be gone for 3 months, I was a little bummed that I was going to be missing camp with my church. So, I was super excited when I found out that I was still able to do camp this year, just in Hawaii. One thing that I really enjoyed about this camp is that not only was it geared toward the spiritual health of the campers but also the counselors. This week God has really exposed some dark places in my heart.

For those of you who know me best, you know I’m a very private person. I don’t easily open up or wear my heart on my sleeve. However, one of the biggest points of this blog is to stop hiding behind myself and the walls that I have created. I want to be transparent. The most miserable time in my life is when I put up these walls with paintings of perfection and self-righteousness. You know them. Unfortunately, we all do.

With that being said, I’m about to expose a small part of my heart through the letters on this page. I ask for you to keep this in mind.

This past week we went through several Old Testament stories. One of the days we talked about Jonah. (Yes, the guy who was swallowed by the big fish.) We talked about why he ran from God and that it was so much more than him simply not wanting to go to the Ninevites. What was really highlighted was the deep seeded hate that Jonah had for these people. Not the kind of hate that you have for getting up before the sun or for certain types of food, but the kind of hate that makes you not want to share God’s Word with someone because you don’t want them to accept it.

We were asked who (a person or a people group) we are prejudice of so much that we didn’t want them to come to God and we were asked to write them down on a piece of paper.

So I thought... and thought... and thought some more.

I honestly couldn’t think of any one person or any people group that I hated. Then she said, “We all have one.” and I wondered if I was the odd man out and didn’t have one. I wasn’t sure why this question stuck with me until this morning.

Switching gears...

I don’t even know how to gracefully segue into my next train of thought but to just come out and say it.

This past week I struggled so much with pride.

I’ve struggled with it off and on for years but NEVER like this. The bad thing is that I don’t even know where it came from. I don’t know what came over me. I know that everything that I have is from God but that simple thought didn’t ring as loudly this week as it usually does. This week of camp was super spiritually challenging, and yet, I found myself getting full on attacked. I just don’t understand. And I hate it. I hate it that I can’t control my mind better than this.

Switching back...

This morning when I woke up, I did my devotions and then it hit me.

I’m prejudice of prideful people.

The very people that I can’t stand is the person I became this week. Prideful. I’m still mulling over what God is teaching me through this situation. However, the question that I’m left with is, “Why am I doing such a great job at avoiding and (mentally) condemning these people?”