When I found out that I was going to be gone for 3 months, I was a little bummed that I was going to be missing camp with my church. So, I was super excited when I found out that I was still able to do camp this year, just in Hawaii. One thing that I really enjoyed about this camp is that not only was it geared toward the spiritual health of the campers but also the counselors. This week God has really exposed some dark places in my heart.

For those of you who know me best, you know I’m a very private person. I don’t easily open up or wear my heart on my sleeve. However, one of the biggest points of this blog is to stop hiding behind myself and the walls that I have created. I want to be transparent. The most miserable time in my life is when I put up these walls with paintings of perfection and self-righteousness. You know them. Unfortunately, we all do.

With that being said, I’m about to expose a small part of my heart through the letters on this page. I ask for you to keep this in mind.

This past week we went through several Old Testament stories. One of the days we talked about Jonah. (Yes, the guy who was swallowed by the big fish.) We talked about why he ran from God and that it was so much more than him simply not wanting to go to the Ninevites. What was really highlighted was the deep seeded hate that Jonah had for these people. Not the kind of hate that you have for getting up before the sun or for certain types of food, but the kind of hate that makes you not want to share God’s Word with someone because you don’t want them to accept it.

We were asked who (a person or a people group) we are prejudice of so much that we didn’t want them to come to God and we were asked to write them down on a piece of paper.

So I thought... and thought... and thought some more.

I honestly couldn’t think of any one person or any people group that I hated. Then she said, “We all have one.” and I wondered if I was the odd man out and didn’t have one. I wasn’t sure why this question stuck with me until this morning.

Switching gears...

I don’t even know how to gracefully segue into my next train of thought but to just come out and say it.

This past week I struggled so much with pride.

I’ve struggled with it off and on for years but NEVER like this. The bad thing is that I don’t even know where it came from. I don’t know what came over me. I know that everything that I have is from God but that simple thought didn’t ring as loudly this week as it usually does. This week of camp was super spiritually challenging, and yet, I found myself getting full on attacked. I just don’t understand. And I hate it. I hate it that I can’t control my mind better than this.

Switching back...

This morning when I woke up, I did my devotions and then it hit me.

I’m prejudice of prideful people.

The very people that I can’t stand is the person I became this week. Prideful. I’m still mulling over what God is teaching me through this situation. However, the question that I’m left with is, “Why am I doing such a great job at avoiding and (mentally) condemning these people?”

Last week was amazing! It was one of the best experiences that I've ever had and was hands down the best week since I've been here in Hawaii.

A group of us went on a missions trip to Kauai at Lihue Baptist Church. This whole summer Lihue Baptist Church has been holding a summer camp for about 4 hours everyday and this camp is completely free. Each week they have a different theme. Some of the themes are Art, Games, Drama, and Music. We came for music week and taught them a musical (which they had to memorize). My job was to audition the kids who wanted to try out for solos/duets, select them, work with them, and then direct them for the program. I’ve never really worked with children when it comes to music before and this past week I found out that I love it!

One of the things that really stuck in my mind from this trip was watching the kids, close to a 100 of them, sing to God. There is something so amazing about seeing them, so full of heart and purity, while singing to God. They sing as if He’s real!

(click here to see the video http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1478056241776)

One of my biggest focuses in life is music. It’s in my blood. I think about it ALL the time. Seeing those kids sing made me wonder “How often do I sing like them? How often do I come to Christ as a little child and believe and sing as if He’s real?” I often find myself getting caught up in the minutia of music instead of Who it’s all supposed to be for in the first place. When I saw these kids singing, it just melted my heart and I couldn’t help but be moved to tears.

I think we all need to step back and examine our abilities and talents to see if what we are doing is really glorifying God or are we (like myself) getting caught up in the tiny details and forgetting the main goal. What are we worried about? Perfection? The people who are watching us? Or life in general?

Plain and simple, our focus needs to be where our focus needs to be.

Please pray for Kauai. I was told that about 6 out of every 10 teenage girls get pregnant and only 2-3% out of all the people on Kauai are Christians.